I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
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There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
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A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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