actually, I'm a sock model
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
