Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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