cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Did you pee in the oven last night??
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
