I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
