Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
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