I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
