I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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