I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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