well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
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I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
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He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30