from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame