ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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