Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
