..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
