Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
