So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
