this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
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