ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
