i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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