Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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