i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Let's get the cat blown out
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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