yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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