he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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