Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
