Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
