can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
