The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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