I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
