I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize