How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
