Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
