so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
