So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
