I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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