I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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