i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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