He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
