It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
