The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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