Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
