Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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