if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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