I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
