I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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