You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
