It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
