did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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