If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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