I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize