People in love make me want to vomit
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
