She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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