Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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