You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
