I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
