I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
