I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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