Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
