Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
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she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
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If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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