I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
