Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
