I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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